Have you ever been afraid of something and I mean really afraid? I am not easily scared or afraid. I was raised in a way that taught me not to be afraid of anything, whatever it is, you can cope with it, as a human being has a great ability to deal with things. But that does not mean I am never afraid, just not easily. I was afraid of loosing my dad and I did and hey I am still here. I am afraid for loosing other family members or friends, but hopefully that will not occur anytime soon. Although you never can be sure, can you?

And now I am afraid of loosing Croga. I know, I get the strangest ideas stuck in my head at times. Well, here is how it came that I am afraid of loosing Croga; he told me yesterday morning he had to go to the doctor. If you know Croga, you know he never, ever goes to the doc because things ‘heal themselves’. And now he has to go to the doc?? Turns out he has pain in his face, a feeling like his tongue is burned and the left side of his mouth isn’t doing what it’s supposed to. As a child he had a partial face paralysis that luckily recovered completely, in spite of what the docters said back then. So now I am scared for him, scared that it turns out to be the same thing and that this time, it does not recover completely.
Or worse, it isn’t what it was back then and the cause is something else. So this morning he is going to the doc. If there is any news on what is causing this, I will post it here, so you know.

When I came home last night, I was scared by looking at him, it looks strange. Ever seen someone who’s face is only half working? When he laughs, the left side of his face isn’t going along with the smile, it’s weird and scary. It got me thinking about something Humane posted on her blog last week. What if he really is ill, has a tumor or something (I know, worse case scenario and I don’t want to think about that) what would I do? Now I think that’s no question…off course I would stay with him, off course I would take care of him till the end, no matter what. No matter how hard it would be or how strange he would get. I love him to pieces and took a vow of staying till death do us part and I intend to keep that vow and really be there till the end. But hopefully that will only be when we are like 80 or something.

Croga, I love you to death and keep my vow to you to stay and be there for you till the end…